You’ve found a cutie-patootie that makes you smile, makes your heart pitter patter and makes you a little juicy goosey. Congratulations! Initial attraction is important but just remember, it’s love when you can run errands together. If you’re still hesitating to celebrate the new dude because you’re stressing about him falling for you too, here are a few of the biggies when it comes to telltale signs that your relationship could be on its way to Heartsville. I’ve been there. It’s tough because you don’t want to scare him away with “the talk” too early, but once you hit a certain milestone you have to tell him what you want. My advice is to look for hints that he’s inching towards head over heels.
The future talk
Really listen to what he’s saying. Is he talking about you two together when he talks about his future? And it doesn’t have to be super serious moves like combining your 401(k) accounts. What I mean is, is he hinting at little things in the near future? Is it Memorial Day and he’s already asking you about Fourth of July plans? If yes, then he could be falling. Hints like this means he can picture himself with you for a while longer, which is as much as you can ask for when you’ve just been together for a short while. If he proposes things like cooking you dinner, meeting his guy friends, or taking you on dates that involve with his hobbies, he probably thinks there’s something positive between you guys.
Friends & family
Think back on the few weeks you’ve had together. Who has he introduced you to? Is it just his doorman and the drive-thru guy at Wendy’s? Not good. But, if he’s introduced you to his bestie, his brother or even co-workers, you’re on the right track. Introductions to important people in his life mean that you’re on the track to becoming an important person in his life.
On his mind
Look for little signs that you’re on his mind, even when you’re not together. Did he text you a picture of something you’d think was funny? Did you mention that you liked doughnuts on your last date, so he showed up for your next hang out with a box of Entenmann’s? Little hints that indicate he’s thinking about you when you’re apart is a good indication that you’re on your way to a loving relationship.
Trust your gut
As girls, our gut is our best friend. (I mean that metaphorically. Literally, we work hard to get rid of our gut!) You need to trust yours. If you’re not thinking straight, here’s a tip. Pretend you’re listening to your best friend talk about her new guy when you think about your new relationship. Honestly, would you be happy that she’s finally found a good guy in the slew of wackadoos out there or worried about her getting hurt by this guy who doesn’t seem that into her? If it’s the first, good for you and your loving future. If it’s the later, well, I say follow your gut more than your heart. It’s normally the smarter of the two. If you let lust steer you off course, finding Mr. Right will be a longer journey than it needs to be. Don’t be afraid to give him another chance or a few more dates to see where it goes – if you still don’t think he’s the guy for you, don’t waste your time or his!
I’ve been dating a guy that I really like for 9 months, he’s introduced me to his mother but only one of his friends, which was unplanned. He has expressed that he really likes me but needs to move slowly in the relationship. I think it’s strange that he felt comfortable with introducing me to his mom but not his friends…am I over thinking or is he not that in to me?
In my opinion, you are really just over thinking it. If he is Mr. Right you should feel so comfortable with each other as if you’ve known each other for ever and feel inseparable. That’s how I felt when I met my husband and that’s the feeling that many people describe as “you just know when is the one” for you. Good luck
Patty, can u talk about narcissists ??
Stay away from Narcissts…they call you crazy, have NO conscience, NO empathy and I have been through 20 years of Hell….Courts/Cops/Lawyers…they never change so self absorbed!!!!!!
Hi Patti! I had a man in my life that did ALL of the above. He sent me funny texts, we went on vacations together, He introduced me to his family members, co-workers etc. Worst of all – my gut told me he LOVED me. But i was wrong. When I confided in him my desire to have a relationship with him, he recoiled and claimed he only loved me as a “friend”. What did i miss? He did everything you mentioned above…
He does love you but he is scared and you telling him made him realize that he loves you more than he would like! My advice ” move on” . Not literally but make him squirm tell him about the dates you have ” as his friend”, ignore his calls and tell him that you are busy, and last but not lease have a male friend answer your phone and play it off as such. He will get jealous and he will ask you questions as i fhe has the right to and although in your mind he does dont let that show. This is a huge game sweetheart and you got to play the game. Its a game that woman really know how to play and thats that! Hewill come back an declair his love for you!
Patti, don’t you think you should be totally happy in a relationship before you become the know all for them? Just curious. You have a lot of input to offer but from what I read you aren’t practicing your own “preach” so to say. Just curious. What makes you the authority, or even certified??
I have been dating the wrong guys for so long!!! Been on my own for many years….finally met this person about a year and half ago. We went on a few dates back then, but both of us were coming off bitter relationships so with that said we only had a few dinners then went our separate ways. Recently I approached him as he was on my mind for quite some time. I was completely out of and moved on from the on/off relationship and he moved on from his past. (at least I thought).
We have been dating about 3 1/2 months, met his whole family spent a alot of time with each other but not every day! Which I really liked. Seemed like we were on the right track. We did go to his family’s camp for a big family get together. A little conversation we had scared him in regards to a disagreement. This he took as a confrontation and immediately shut down when we returned on Sunday. The whole ride back (2hrs) we talked about going away on the sailboat, taking the motorcycle our kayaks on a long weekend trip in the fall. Then Monday nothing more from him. It has been almost three weeks and he hasn’t talked. I take that back I did approach him about a week ago and he had told me it was him. He doesn’t know why he retreated back into his own little world. Said I over whelm him, how could someone like me want him, he asked. Told me I was the whole package. My response to him was “why is it that you and I can’t discuss this together”.
I really like him alot and thought he was it!!! I too have dated the “BAD” boys in my life…”T” as I will call him brought me to a whole new life, T made me feel alive again and to the point that I could and want to LOVE again. I am so heartbroken and miss him so very much.
Please if you could give me some advise I would greatly appreaciate it.
Missing my “T”
4 weeks into the relationship of a lifetime. Known each other casually for 4 years. Finally we both were at a point in our life that we can be together, went out to dinner 4 weeks ago and spent 6 hours talking, no awkward silence, total comfort. Found out we both have watched the other from a far for years.
It’s love. We’ve both said it and feel it. The most awesome feeling I’ve ever had. When it happens you’ll know.
Thank you God for all the things you’ve done to lead us to where we can be together.
thanks Patti for all your great relationship advice.
Hi Patti,
I have been dating this guy for almost 4 yrs. We both talked about how we would like to settle down & get married again if we found the right person. About a year later we touched on this topic again & he said that he doesn’t know where he wants to be in his life. He is in his early 50′s & I am in my early 40′s. He’s been trying to find work & says now that he wants to be established & make sure he can take care of himself before having to worry about taking care of someone else. He is not a poor man, quite the opposite, actually. I let him know that he doesn’t have to ‘take care of me’. I am very independant, worked @ the same place for 14 yrs, my own house & vehicle. He also says that since he is older he may die b4 me, WHAT?!?!
In the meantime, I still have sleep-overs @ his house everyweekend & we have fun, laugh & enjoy eachother BUT… Why buy the cow, you know???
Anyway, he says to give him more time and he will find work & get his life on track… BUT.. Help!!! It’s been 4 yrs and I don’t want to spend 6 or 10 yrs waiting & letting him decide my future! But I don’t want to throw in the towel because we are great together & never had arguments or fights, until this discussion arises about 1/yr.
What would you do? I love all of your information!
A question on mixed signals….I have been dating a wonderful man for three months without any traditional dates initiated by him. I am taken to his hobbies, get togethers/work functions with his friends but seldom does he initiate fun or romantic time or dancing with the two of us. Often when he goes out to really have fun I am not invited. Am I not seeing something here? Or is this an exercise in patience…
Play the game sweetheart! Go with him but on your own time have fun of your own dont tell him where you are going but that you are having a night out with the girls and that will drive him crazy… if he calls you while you are out or texts you saying things like hit me up when you get home or hey are you having fun that lets you know he is thinking about you when you are out at the club enjoying your self! He will def be on you like cream on an oreo!!!!!!!!