Falling in love after 40: It happens and I can tell you from experience that it’s amazing! There’s something really fantastic about falling in love when you’re mature, secure, and sure of yourself. It feels more solid and there are fewer games. You know what you want and so does he. This doesn’t mean that it’s easy. It’s far from it. (Anyone remember my dating life on the last season of Millionaire Matchmaker? Not the easiest.) Here are a few pointers to keep in mind if you’re post-40 and looking for love. Hopefully they make the heart hunting process easier for you.
Accept baggage
Falling in love when you’re older might mean falling in love with a bit more than just your guy — It’s probably going to mean falling in love with his baggage, too. Mature men have experienced a lot of life. That means they’re surer of what they want. It also means they may have an ex-wife or kids. So, think of his ex as just a trial run for your relationship. Practice makes perfect! And kids of any age can be an amazing addition to a relationship. Be open to the extras a man your age might come with and you’ll be surprised at how they open up to you, too.
Be aggressive
If you’re a woman over 40 and looking for love, you can’t just sit back on your couch and expect it to find you. Contrary to what the stereotypes of adult movies might have you believe, Mr. Right is never going to waltz his way into your living room as your pizza boy or a plumber. You have to go out and find him, honey! Be aggressive in looking for dates. Get online. Be sure your friends know that you’re open to set-ups. Flirt with strangers. You’ve got to make this happen for yourself. B-E Agressive! Be aggressive!
Ignore his birthday
When you’re a 40 plus woman looking for your one-and-only, you’ve got to be open to men of all ages. Don’t ignore that hottie at the coffee shop because you know he’s only 38. I know we’re trained to date older men, but guess what? The young ones have a lot to offer, believe me. David is younger than I am and I can’t even imagine my life now if I skipped over his dating profile because he was a little younger. I would have missed out on the most amazing man of my life. And let’s toss the word “cougar.” Dating a mature, responsible, all around wonderful man who’s a few (or maybe even more than a few) years younger than you doesn’t make you a cougar in the negative sense. It makes you a woman in love. And that’s a fabulous thing to be. If someone wants to call it a cougar, fine. Ladies, we’re looking better than ever!
How old were you when you fell in love with your guy? I’d especially love to hear from women who fell in love after 40! Mature mamas who are new lovebirds, let me hear it!
Patti, I need help. I haven’t been on a date in 9 yrs or asked. I really don’t know where to begin. I am retired military and employed with the government so I am around men all of the time. I go to the gym too. I don’t know what signals I am giving off or if I spend too much time in the friend zone. I really, really, need help. All of my friends are married and I don’t know how to begin doing an ad on a website because eharmony says I am unmatchable?… what is that about. Please help me, please. I watch your show and appreciate your matter of fact mentoring. Please?
I love your show, I’m 46 and my daughter is 23, she’s a huge fan. For the past 12yrs I’ve dated younger guys, I do have a cut off at 10yrs, I get a lot if responses from 20 somethings on line but I always blow them off.
Should I do that? I feel that they just want one thing, should I just take them up on the knookie while I’m looking for Mr right? It’s been almost 2yrs. and I’m tired of buying stock in the battery companies.
Tell your friends you want to start dating. Ask them to send you prospects. Sit a few friends down and ask honestly what signals you are sending. Listen to both good and bad points. Fix the bad points. Go on a practice date with a friend (even a girlfriend), and pretend its for real. Check the results.
Get your hair and makeup done. Look at your wardrobe, buy some attractive, cute things. Make sure you are seeming open and available to a relationship. Practice smiling. Practice asking friendly questions. Practice relaxing. Good luck- dating is kind of hard work.
i met my husband when i was 52 and had been single for 11 yrs. we met online. he was a widower,68, and had recently moved to my area. he was aggressively looking for love and friends, which helped, because i had pretty much given up. he was online and making 2 dates per day, that was his rule, just like he had when he was in business. ( it’s a numbers game, right?)
we’ve been together 11 yrs and married for 9. he’s retired and i am not, but it works just fine. i choose to work becasue it is still fun for me. after 40 yrs in NY/Fla. financial planning, he was ready to volunteeer and play golf.
So get out of the house and see people, get online, and don’t expect it to happen overnight! patti is so right! and forget married friends fixing you up. for me they turned out to be pretty worthless. they were too secure in their own life to really think about helping me find a guy that suited me.
Good advice Patti, but I disagree that older men do not play games. I have been divorced 15 years and every relationship I have been in I clarified from the start that I want a committed relationship and was told the same. Then I find out they are still sleeping with their ex-wives, girlfriends, or still looking on-line. If you don’t want to be in a relationship, be honest and let us know. A lot of them still act like they are 20, at first they want a relationship, then they “fear” commitment, they call you, and they stop calling you (and this is after you feel safe enough to trust them and fall in love with them). They put you thru the ringer until you just had enough. I’m not the only one, it has happened to all my friends. Regardless of their age, it is hard to find a man who really knows what he wants and when you do, hold on to him!
I have set up a business on the East Coast for exactly this demographic. I meet so many singles, male and female. I am all about love and marriage. I would love to meet with you Patti to discuss. Can I fly to L.A. now?
Go to Meetup.com and join a club. Meetup sponsors free, fun gruops for any age, any interest. It is the best thing going for singles! There is something wonderful about meeting someone while doing something fun. Friends first! What a concept!!
Patti,
Isn’t it a bit hypocritical of you to always have your girls dating older men when you are dating someone almost ten years younger than you? There’s nothing wrong with dating a younger man, but why do you always push for the girls on your show to date men who are much older and not the other way around?
Liiiiar.
-Tamra
I have been divorced for a year and a half. For some reason, there are men that think just because I am divorced I am going to be interested in them. 3 men in particular have gone to the point of stalking me, and not taking no for an answer. I have been nice about it, mean about it, to the point about I am not interested and they are not my type in any way. I need to know after I have ignored for 3 months this one man who calls and email’s me and when I have not replied contacts my friends, What do I do to make him STOP! It is literally making me sick! It’s unfair I have had to pay to have my phone ignore his calls, block him and his friends on facebook. But I want it to stop. And I want to know when I meet a man and I am not interested but I still want to be myself, which is nice, how do I make it very clear they are not someone I would ever be interested in. Because obviously some men can not be friends with a woman who is secure and happy with themselves.
Hi Patti,
I just want to say first off, I love your show and when I know I should be sleeping because I need to get up Really early, I just keep watching episode after episode!! I wish you had been around 20 years ago, I might have had the opportunity to be married to a millionaire!
Well, I have been married previously, and have 3 grown children, 42, 36, and 24.. So the way I look at things, this is MY time! I have dated younger men for the last 10yrs, and just dont seem to have anything in common with the men my age or older. My children complain all the time, “find someone your own age Mom” Once again… who’s life IS it anyway?? I am 58, and have been dating a younger man who is 47 for a couple years and we just mesh perfectly. Do I worry about getting too old.. yes, but then I look at my Mother who met and fell in love in her 50′s to her true soulmate who is also 11 years younger than her. They have been happily married now for just over 25 years.
Am I in love, yes and it is better now than when I was in my 20′s, 30′s and yes even 40′s without a doubt!! So, ladies we only live once, make it the best you can, and stop looking at that age barrier!!